Husband and Wife Relationship

  The dos and don'ts in marriage.

 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.  But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Corinthians 7  vs 8 to 9).

Many of you who are privileged to be Christians have come across this scripture by Apostle Paul to the church in Corinth. When I read this scripture it got me extremely worried,😟😟 really worried here is why:

  • Why did Apostle Paul choose to stay single?
  •  What horrible thing had he seen or come across that made him shun marriage?
  •  If such a powerful man of God chose celibacy how prepared are those that have decided to get into matrimony.

Here's what to do and what not to do in a marriage;

1. Work on improving communication.

Communication is one of the most important pillars in a marriage. You must always take into consideration what your spouse is saying even if it doesn't make sense and try to put yourself in their shoes.

  • Never take what your partner is saying for granted they must always feel that sense of relevance.
  • Never raise your voice to your partner as this will only achieve two things,  your spouse will yell back at you and before you know it you will all start throwing tantrums leading into a possible fistfight.
  • When your spouse raises their voice at you calm them down and politely ask them what the problem is and try to resolve the issue as soon as possible, make sure that you settle issues before the next day if possible.
  • Don't accuse your spouse unnecessarily, if you accuse your spouse they end up having that feeling of worthlessness and they will eventually feel unloved.

2. Be honest with each other.

If there is dishonesty in a marriage that union is surely headed for disaster.

  • Never lie to your spouse,  there are no small lies or big lies they are all lies and they will sooner or later lead to mistrust between both of you.
  • Always let your spouse know your cellphone code,  computer code,  or any other gadgets that keep your vital information, your spouse is more likely going to trust you if they have undenied access to your important information, though this is a no go zone for most couples it leads to an extremely trustworthy relationship.
  • Be open with your partner on financial issues and financial goals let them know why you need to be on a specific budget to attain those goals.
  • Let your partner know your hopes and dreams,  deepest fears, and any other insignificant things that you might have hidden from them.

3. Be ready to compromise.

Compromising makes any relationship more robust and worthwhile after all one is willing to be part and parcel of what one has made sacrifices on.

  •  Don't argue just for the sake of arguing especially on important matters. 

  • Every party must be able to set aside the need to be right every time and work towards a solution to the problem at hand.

4. Revisit your good old days' romance.

  • Flirt with your partner, flirting is a very rejuvenating factor in any relationship and it helps in keeping the spark in your marriage because usually after years of marriage a lot of factors like kids and work start wearing your marriage down.
  • Change the normal routine tweak things a bit go to different restaurants.
  • Go on vacation somewhere quiet and serene enjoy the tranquility of nature.
  • Do household chores together, talk and kiss run around the house, have fun.

  • have eye contact and be close to your spouse and whisper into your spouse's ear those silly little things you used to say when you were dating.

5. Give your spouse respect.

The husband and wife union easily flourishes when both parties respect each other, respect does not necessarily mean fear there is a line between these two for example;

 Your wife bumps into her male colleague at the mall and you are watching and you don't seem to like the way they talk to each other.

  •  You don't start accusing them of all sorts of things 
  • Wait until you are home at least then you can confront her in a polite manner that is what we call respect.

6. Give each other space.

Always try to give each other breathing space away from each other as this helps in giving each other time to unwind and make friends, when your spouse comes from a braai with friends you can see the new energy within them.

7. Sexual intimacy.

  • Sex is one of the top ingredients that is needed for a marriage to withstand the many storms of life. Although sexual drive decreases when people get older it is necessary to have sex with your spouse whenever you feel like it not necessarily every day.

  • Sex can only be enjoyable when it is done with the correct affection, touching the correct places, and knowing when to stop.

  • Nobody wants a sloppy performance that leaves one unsatisfied, partners must take time to learn about each other's sexual passions and desires, you have to know exactly what turns your partner on.

8. Respect and love your partner's parents.

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I have seen many marriages crumble because of disagreements on issues concerning each other's parents, they cannot be done away with as they will remain an integral part of any marriage.

Spouses have to compromise on this one and find ways to accommodate each other's parents.


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A husband and wife relationship is a very complex union that needs to be nurtured by both parties and needs a lot of sacrifices to be made. It is an enjoyable and fulfilling union that can teach a person patience, sacrifice, responsibility and it will melt away any pride that is in a person.

It is saddening to note that almost 70 per cent of marriages end up in smoke because some people who enter into marriages think that it's a walk in the park and they fail to appreciate the enormous responsibility that goes into a marriage.

 Be part of the many who are willing to learn how to keep and maintain a relationship or even to win back your man's love that has gone cold here.

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